Press Release:
The Legacy of Adoption

Paralian: Not Just Transgender

London, United Kingdom, Thursday 14^thJanuary 2016:Liam Klenk's innovative memoir, Paralian, will initially strike most as a transgender man's story despite the title strapline ‘notjusttransgender'. In reality, there are many elements within Liam's life that are equally as defining as being a transgender man. Just as important to his identity in 2016 was the late revelation, in 1992, that he had been adopted at just five months.

Conventional wisdom suggests that adopted children should be made aware of their biological parents as soon as possible but Liam did not find out he was adopted until the age of 21, and then it was because of legal papers associated with a rather complicated marriage and divorce. He explains in his memoir, due for release by Matador on May 28^th2016: 

In Zurich once again, I pondered how life could sometimes be as wild as my imagination. More than one genie had wiggled out of the bottle while Konrad had been organizing my wedding to his lover*. Apart from homosexuality, another revelation had been made.

In Germany, it is customary to have two certificates documenting a child's birth. The birth certificate divulges only the essential details of name and birthdate. The other certificate is called Abstammungsurkunde or parenthood certificate. It lists all the details suppressed on the birth certificate - who your parents were, and any changes to your family history that the state might have discreetly documented.

In planning the wedding, my dad had discovered that a wedding was, unfortunately, one of the few events in a German citizen's life for which the more informative document had to be unearthed from the bowels of the German filing system. The citizen who got married would see his parenthood certificate for the first, and very likely the last, time in his life.

When the envelope arrived in my dad's mailbox, he opened it and immediately felt as if he had been handed a poisoned fruit. The official document stated it plain as day: I had been adopted. The burden of finally sharing the truth with his teenage daughter had fallen into his lap.

My parents had missed the moment during my childhood when it would have been easy to explain the adoption. As an inquisitive three-year old, I had probed my adoptive mom with questions and asked, "Mom, where did I come from?" It would have been easy to say, "We couldn't have children of our own but wanted so much to have a little girl just like you. We chose you. We are meant to be together." Instead she had answered, "Well, you came out of my tummy, of course."

*Liam, as a young woman, had agreed to marry her father, Konrad's, young lodger in a bid to stop the man from being deported. Only later did Liam discover his father had started a relationship with the young man. Until this point, Liam had no idea of his father's sexuality.

Towards the end of that quote you get a clear glimpse at the frustration an adult who was adopted feels when looking back on the occasions that their parents avoided the truth. This lingering frustration is one of the main reasons that it is commonly advised parents make children aware of their adoptive status as early as possible.

Phil Batt, a therapeutic counsellor with SCS Training and Therapy in Yorkshire, who has worked with fostered and adopted children for more than 15 years, explains why:

"The question of telling is a complex one. In my experience adults I have worked with have had very different experiences and those who were not told often had a sense of being ‘different' and adoption sometimes helps them understand that. It does for some people who do not find out though leave them feeling that there is a hole inside which is never filled.

If telling is delayed because the child has been very young when placed for adoption or it has just been put off, then "the right time to tell" never arrives as there is always a reason to delay it - starting nursery, school, exams, upset or loss in the family. These are all reasons given for not telling and then it seems too late. However, being told by others makes people question their whole existence and relationships within the family and can often result in family breakdown.

My view is that there should never have to be a ‘day' when a child or young person is adopted. It should form part of their identity and sense of self from day one. This does not mean that there is a need to talk about it every day but that it forms part of the child's life and stories that are told can interweave the child's life when living with their "tummy mummy".

Despite the complexities surrounding Liam's late discovery of his adoptive status he has formed happy familial relationships and remained emotionally close to his adoptive family. However, Liam has a sense that it could have been handled better and, as an adult with time and distance to reflect, he has written a guide to parents of adopted children:

"In my case my mom struggled greatly with the fact that she couldn't have children of her own. So much so that she chose to wilfully forget this fact and rather pretend I had come out of her own womb. She repeated this so often to herself and others, she ended up almost believing it herself.

Now, I can't speak for every adoptee out there, but no matter what they told me, I always knew something was off. I didn't look anything like my parents (or grandparents for that matter) and far more importantly something much deeper than skin didn't feel related at all. Like someone told me a brown, hot liquid was coffee but no matter how hard I tried to believe that, it still tasted like tea. In the end, if someone keeps insisting, you'll end up adopting their version of reality. So when my dad finally told me the truth 20 years later it uprooted my entire existence.

To cut a long story short I can only ask of all the young adoptive parents out there: don't lie. Your children have sensors more fine-tuned than you could ever imagine. And at some point the truth WILL come out. It's best if they hear it from you from the very beginning. So they know they're truly loved for who they are no matter where they came from.

So, tell your kids early, be open and honest about it, and be aware that there might be residual loneliness no matter how awesome and loving you are."

-Ends-

Notes To Editors

Paralian: Not Just Transgenderis about living life authentically, about independence, compassion, and the beauty of our often-troubled existence. Written with profound honesty and a fine sense of humour, Paralian hopes to touch your heart while leaving you slightly breathless all at the same time. Published by Matador, the book is available internationally from May 28^th2016 at £11.99.

All of the images in this piece are available in high resolution so please get in contact for better versions. More images and information are in the online press folder:

Liam has written a number of blogs and editorial pieces specifically about his experiences as a trans man and his views on the trans community. If you would like to discuss any editorial opportunities, interview options or anything else to do with Liam's story please do get in touch with eitherSamuelBatt@LiterallyPR.comorHelenLewis@LiterallyPR.com. ARCs are available (PDFs) and paperbacks will be released before the May 28^th2016 publication date for review consideration.